В моей жизни где я пытаюсь разложить все по полочкам (в буквальном смысле) будет теперь не хватать этого легкого беспорядка, запаха табака с балкона, and some sort of "spirit".. spirit of real life.. whatever you call it...I will miss it.
И как бы я ни пыталась навешать на себя ярлык такого вот асоциального персонажа, как бы не пряталась в темной норке.. свет сначала слепит глаза, когда только вылазишь после долгой спячки, а потом понимаешь что привык и вспоминаешь, как хорошо на солнце.. It just should be right people, right place, right mood.
And in such moment you finally get it.. I should fucking stop trying to sort everything out, to plan, to follow some path, as at the time I'm doing this, others actually just live.
Thanks a lot for reminding me that, Fi. ;)

Planzzzz

I got what's the point is.. why  it's so fucking difficult for me to plan something in advance, to take tickets for holidays which will be in 1 months or vacation in 3.. and find out what to do there.
 I don't want anything (any-thing) to be planned. To go somewhere at definite time, definite date, sleep at definite places, go with definite routes, take definite excursions (ex-curse-ions), oh God...
That's kind of knocks me down and I can't enjoy this usual type of such "rest".
Some people advice "you should definitely see this place".. but you go, you pass, you miss, you find something different. As it's, anyway, only your path. And, I got that I enjoy not the places itself, but that fact, that exact feeling! which I actually miss a lot. Feeling of going somewhere you don't know where it will lead you.
And I don't know how long I will manage to live without this.. so far.

Makes me smile

"That backpack's like your symbol of freedom", he says

"Guess so", I say

"Having an object that symbolizes freedom might take a person happier than actually getting the freedom it represents"

"Sometimes" I say

"Sometimes", he repeats. "You know, if they had a contest for the world's shortest replies, you'd win it hands down"

"Perhaps."

"Kafka on the shore"

(c) Haruki Murakami